Dramatis Personæ

  • Me
  • The red guy, also me
  • Captain Cabbages, also me
  • The Tesco Value Spirits, also me.
  • Me adding updates and footnotes to existing posts

This blog can be a little confusing. I mean, it is not like trying to read Donald Trump’s Twitter feed, or anything really awful like that, but let’s be clear about who is who. Obviously, they are all me but you know what I mean.

I have no idea.

OK. Lets start with him. He is “the red guy”. He types in dark red text, asks awkward questions and disagrees with everything I say. Think of him as Statler and Waldorf for a website that can’t afford to hire two annoying bozos.

What about The Captain then?

I didn’t hire him. He just showed up one day and offered to write a guest column.

About cabbages?

Indeed. He assures me that he is an expert on all thing vegetable. He also assures me that he is a bona fide superhero, with a cape and catchphrase and everything. His arch enemy is Boris Johnson, so he can’t be all bad. Also, he doesn’t charge for his contributions.

I’m not sure that talking bollocks is a real superpower.

Hey kids! Its Captain Cabbages! Don’t listen to the red guy. He doesn’t take the menace of counterfeit cabbages seriously. He thinks it is funny now, but where will he be after Brexit? Fighting the giant feral mutant rabbits for a bite of a black-market cabbage that has not even been professionally authenticated, that’s where!

See what I mean?

Well, at least he isn’t pro-Brexit. Anyway, he is easy to spot as he types in dark green and always introduces himself.

Who else have we got?


Ah yes. That is the Voice of the Tesco Value Spirits. They serve all this blog’s occult needs for a very reasonable price. They type in ghostly, ethereal green.

Reasonable price? They swindled me out of 10p!

Woo! Your two shillings has passed over to the other side. Woo! They are happy and free in the eternal Tesco Value spirit realm where Brexit can not touch them. Woo! You shall be reunited in The Next World. Woo!

Give me my money back you no-good spooky bastards!

OK. Let’s leave it there…

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