Everybody else: Reading improving books. Learning languages. Searching for meaning in the dark chaos of these troubled times.

Me: Binge-watching UNHhhh, because I am trash.

April 4, 2020. Daniel, Media Picks, Silly. Leave a comment.

Unregulated Financial Advice

Notorious cabbage counterfeiter

“I say! Have any of you chaps seen my pen?”

Just a quick warning to any prospective future sexual partners of UK Prime Minister (at the time of writing), Boris “The Johnson” Johnson:

If he offers you money, either his own or somebody else’s, then make sure that the cheque is signed!

Also, maybe insist on Euros, Swiss Francs or maybe even US Dollars. Its not looking good for the Pound…


October 20, 2019. #Brexit, Counterfeit cabbages, Money, Politics, Silly. Leave a comment.

1970s Nostalgia

The 1970s were great. We had a declining economy, random power cuts and everybody looked like they had got dressed in the dark. This was only partly explained by the power cuts causing them to actually get dressed in the dark. Yeah. The ’70s were great!

[FX: Rotary dial telephone rings.]

“OK. Thanks. Bye.”

[FX: Brrrrrr. Click.]

Apparently all that stuff happened today.

If anybody sees the Bay City Rollers, call for help and start erecting barricades.

August 9, 2019. History, Politics, Silly. Leave a comment.

Paranoid Conspiracy Theory

It has been brought to my attention that the ducks are all impersonating eachother! Suddenly it all makes sense! Well, except for the bit about the ducks obviously. Quack!

May 1, 2019. Silly. Leave a comment.

No-Deal Brexit Plan

I have done all my no-deal Brexit contingency planning. I am willing to share this with you but the plan relies on absolute secrecy so you must sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement not to tell anybody. Please tick the box below, print and sign the article, and then fax it back to me before reading further.

☐  I agree to be legally bound by this bullshit NDA.

(Sign your real name, and not “Mickey Mouse”, here)


February 16, 2019. #Brexit, Politics, Silly. Leave a comment.

The Stupidest Day of The Year

Some of you may remember me suggesting that February 14th was the Stupidest Day of The Year*. That was not meant to be interpreted as a challenge!


February 14, 2019. #Brexit, Politics, Sensible, Silly. Leave a comment.

Brexit Quiz: Which is Most Comprehensively Stuffed?


January 17, 2019. #Brexit, Politics, Rigged Polls, Silly. Leave a comment.

Election. February 14th. Right?

It has been brought to my attention that February 14th is a Thursday.

You mean that you were idly staring at a calendar like a gormless chump?

That’s what I said.

It is has also been brought to my attention that the UK Government is not going to last much longer if it keeps on punching itself in the face.

You mean that you have been watching the News?

That’s what I said. Please stop interrupting.

So, we will be needing a General Election and elections are always held on Thursdays in the UK. That’s an actual rule! Jesus told St George to tell the Archbishop of Canterbury that it had be be that way, or something. You can play fast and loose with everything else (and do they ever!) but Thursdays are sacred. Also, three weeks notice is required.



January 11, 2019. #Brexit, Politics, Silly. 1 comment.

I wrote a poem about systemd

I wrote a poem. It is about systemd. It is no longer, and certainly no better, than systemd deserves.

Smells of pee.
Please can it be,
Thrown in the sea?


January 9, 2019. Awful poetry, IT, Silly. Leave a comment.

New Year, New You

You know what this place needs?



Surely, nobody wants to sponsor this crap?

Hey Kids! Its Captain Cabbages!



December 30, 2018. #Brexit, Counterfeit cabbages, Silly. Leave a comment.

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