Groundhog Day

counterfeit cabbage

“I say. Have any of you chaps seen my cabbages?”

Every day is the same.

You wake up to the Today programme on Radio 4.

The News is more about what it is alleged is going to happen today than about what happened overnight or yesterday. The News says that today is the day that the government (in the form of Theresa May, David Bloody Davis, Boris Counterfeit Cabbages Johnson or some other dingbat) will finally announce wtf Brexit (means Brexit) actually means. Everybody gathers round to finally find out what the hell is going on and every day it is a complete waste of everybody’s time. There is a mixture of platitudes and vague denials but no solid, meaningful statement as to what the UK wants out of Brexit. Nothing! I honestly have less idea what Brexit means now than I did two years ago.

I don’t know. Michel Barnier doesn’t know. Donald Tusk doesn’t know. Angela Merkel doesn’t know. David Davis doesn’t know. Theresa May doesn’t know. Boris Johnson appears to be trying to remember where he left his trousers.

Maybe they will work it out tomorrow.

(Update: They didn’t. There was just some more waffle about the transition period which only departed from the vague to take a minor detour into the delusional. Was there ever anything simultaneously as terrifying and as boring as Brexit?)

You go to bed.

Every day is the same.

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February 20, 2018. #Brexit, Counterfeit cabbages, Media. Leave a comment.

Quo Vadis, Dingbats?

To be honest, the American “Alt-right” scare me. Fortunately we don’t have much of that in the UK. In the UK we have a bunch of dingbats who have fallen out of their belfry, and fallen out with eachother.  Of course, I’m talking about UKIP.

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January 22, 2018. #Brexit, Politics, Rigged Polls, Silly. Leave a comment.

Guest Post: Brexit means Breakfast

counterfeit cabbage

“What’s for dinner? Can I smell boiled cabbages?”

Just not a very nice one…

Pour yourself a big glass of Filthy Green Muck™ from the pound shop knock off “Nutribullet” and our semi-regular guest author will explain.

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January 15, 2018. #Brexit, Counterfeit cabbages, Silly. Leave a comment.

Interim Brexit Scorecard

I have been threatening this article for a while now so lets do the Brexit Scorecard.

Brexit snorecard more like!

Not helping…

OK. But how are you going to do this? We still don’t know what Brexit even is or when it is going to happen.

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December 29, 2017. #Brexit, Money, Politics, Sensible. Leave a comment.

The Little Baby Jesus: Another Apology

In what seems to be becoming a Christmas tradition, I have cocked it up again. I did manage to send the physical cards this year, which is better than last year, but my plan to send out the seasonal emails has foundered on the basic problem that I discovered at the last minute that the only computer with the distribution list on is not the one I am sitting at, or which going to be able to lay hands on before the deadline. Well, at least I tried to send the email on time this year…

On the subject of all things shambolically festive, have some of Mark E Smith’s Christmas complaining…

I don’t know anybody called Simon so that should be safe. At least, it should be no more likely to offend one person than any other, which about as good as it gets with The Fall.

In case that was not enough, there is much more here, so don’t say I didn’t give you anything.

Seasons greetings to one and all.

Terms and conditions apply. E&OE. Offer void where prohibited by law. Excludes Donald Trump, Theresa May, Boris “Cabbages” Johnson and David “David Bloody Davis” Davis.

Free bonus Xmas party tip:

If you are the sort of person who gets drunk at Christmas, try singing “David Bloody Davis” to the tune of Sunday Bloody Sunday by U2. It’s really annoying!

December 24, 2017. #Brexit, Daniel, Music. Leave a comment.

The Actual Point

Of the EU that is.

The Brexit talks seem to have ground to a halt again but that doesn’t mean that nothing is happening.

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December 23, 2017. #Brexit, Sensible. Leave a comment.

My Evil Empire of Counterfeit Cabbage

counterfeit cabbage

“Did somebody say stupid?”

I discover that I have the top Google ranking for the term “Counterfeit Cabbages“.

That’s stupid.

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December 5, 2017. Counterfeit cabbages, IT, Links, Money, Silly. 1 comment.

Guest Post: Beware of Counterfeit Cabbages

counterfeit cabbages

“Counterfeit cabbages? Crikey!”

Like all leading bloggers, I am occasionally contacted by people offering to write guest posts. Up until now I have resisted these requests but recently I was offered an opportunity to publish an important message which I believe it is strongly in the public interest to circulate as widely as possible and I happily agreed to allow its inclusion.

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November 13, 2017. #Brexit, Counterfeit cabbages, Politics, Silly. 2 comments.

Exclusive Interview: The Pound

You know what I’ve never done on this site before? An interview.

That’s because nobody wants to talk to you.

Today, and for the first time ever, I bring you an exclusive interview with The Pound.

Bullshit! You can’t interview The Pound.

Are you its agent then?

You know perfectly well what I mean.

Oh, right. Let me guess. The Pound is an abstract concept incapable of thought or communication and hence you can’t interview an abstract concept?

No. You can’t interview The Pound because it’s effing dead!

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October 21, 2017. #Brexit, Money, Silly, Spooky nonsense. 2 comments.

The Real Brexit “Plan”

OK, so I am not great at prognostication, but it is not like I am charging you to read this stuff, or like your money is going to be worth anything soon anyway, so let’s get our crystal balls out and see if we can peer into the deeper darker realms of Batshit Brexit and try to divine what the real Brexit “plan” is.

Woo!

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September 23, 2017. #Brexit, Money, Silly, Spooky nonsense. 2 comments.

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