Recipe: Tomato Ketchup

Yes, we are doing recipes now.



Er, nothing.

Right, let’s start with something nice and easy. A classic British tomato ketchup to use in the classic British way; To smother your food and make it all taste the same.


  • Sugar (Lots)
  • Vinegar (Lots)
  • Red colour (A bit)
  • Gunk (Plenty)


Blend the ingredients until only slightly lumpy and then decant into a plastic bottle with the lid half off. Store on a counter at room temperature for six months until utterly vile.


Serve with anything you didn’t want to taste anyway.

Any questions?


Don’t be stupid. We’re British!


April 22, 2018. Food, Silly.

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