My Evil Empire of Counterfeit Cabbage

counterfeit cabbage

“Did somebody say stupid?”

I discover that I have the top Google ranking for the term “Counterfeit Cabbages“.

That’s stupid.

Shut up. Unfortunately, at the moment this only works for the plural and only with quotes.

That’s pathetic.

Shut up. Other searches bring up a rather unlikely news story about alleged counterfeiting of cabbages in China. I am not sure what is more disturbing, that such a thing might actually be true or that some people might be circulating false stories accusing the Chinese of manufacturing counterfeit cabbage products. (Anyway, I hope it isn’t true. It’s not so funny if it is really real and this is actually making real people ill.)

I guess the logic is that, with 1.4 billion people, pretty much anything you can think of, from the very smartest to the very dumbest idea,  must have been thought of by at least one person in China at some point. Even this! (See also gunpowder.) In all probability there is somebody in China reading this right now, and probably wondering what on earth they are doing with their life.

I certainly am.

Shut up and I’ll explain. This is basically just a hubristic and ham cabbage fisted attempt to get to the top of the Google rankings for terms related to cabbage counterfeiting and other Brassica related fraud with a side plan to get Boris onto the first page of a Google Images search too..


For the money obviously.

What money?

Everybody knows you get rich from doing SEO.

That’s stupid.

Shut up.

Hey kids! It’s Captain Cabbages!

Oh god! Not him again.

Hello Captain. Don’t mind him. What can I do for you?

I was wondering how we were doing in the search rankings on Bing?

Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up Eccles.
Shut up!


December 5, 2017. Clownhat SEO, Counterfeit cabbages, Links, Money, Silly.


  1. Rik replied:

    That Johnson fellow, he was the one who made large claims about brexit, no? I’m glad that the NHS is getting all that extra money since we left Europe. The laws are better too, now that they’re our own … and don’t forget the chicken, tangier these days. Mm, chlorine

  2. SEO Speedwagon: Trump News Edition | Daniel Rigal replied:

    […] giving Boris the day off. You know who’s getting it this […]

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