The Real Brexit “Plan”

OK, so I am not great at prognostication, but it is not like I am charging you to read this stuff, or like your money is going to be worth anything soon anyway, so let’s get our crystal balls out and see if we can peer into the deeper darker realms of Batshit Brexit and try to divine what the real Brexit “plan” is.

Woo!

Woo!

(Is this getting annoying yet?)

Woo!

Get on with it!

W… Oh, OK. If you insist. (Spoilsport!)

Woo!

I’m warning you!

OK. OK. So the latest nugget of the omnishambolic, half arsed, make-it-up-as-you-go-along Brexit “plan” chicanery has just been revealed:

  • Theresa May urges EU to retain trade terms for two years after Brexit
    That comes from the BBC, not the spirit realm. (Well, at least, it comes via the BBC so I assume that it does not originate from the spirit realm. That said, maybe they have resorted to necromancy in order to source suitably hackneyed plotlines for Eastenders and something has gone horribly wrong.)

So the plan has changed from getting as far away from the EU as possible, as quickly as possible, to this:

Kick the turd far enough down the road for there to be another General Election. In fact, do absolutely knob all until 2021 so that the whole thing will probably become Jeremy Corbyn’s problem.

But what can it all mean? Put 10p in the slot and lets see what the Tesco Value spirits have to say about that.

I thought you said you weren’t charging to read this stuff?

We are operating in a completely new and innovative business paradigm now. Anyway, it’s not for me. It is for the spirits. So, do you want this ethereal wisdom from beyond The Great Tesco Value Divide for the very reasonable price of 10p or not?

I’ve got a feeling that I’m going to regret this but… [SFX: Clink]

Woo! The spirits say that Theresa May is terrified of being forced to fight a post-apocalypse, post-economy, post-Brexit General Election when everything has all undeniably and irredeemably gone to shit and everybody thinks it is her fault because, well, it sort of is. Woo! Jeremy Corbyn’ will make people eat vegan falafel. People won’t be able to afford vegan falafel! There will be cannibalism. There will be severed heads on spikes. Theresa May hopes to get away before hers is added to the collection. Woo!

Is that green colour meant to be spooky?

That is your genuine ectoplasm mate!

Whatever. Anyway, that seems completely obvious, if a little melodramatic. It’s not worth 10p! What else have you got?

Woo! The spirits say that all the Brexiteers will end up claiming that they always knew that Brexit was a stupid idea and that she tricked them into it.Woo!

Woo! The spirits say that Boris Johnson will be revealed not only to be an empty vessel but as an actual Klein bottle and that he will take to hiding inside of himself until the Universe goes away and stops calling him a tit. Woo!

Woo! The spirits say that David Davis will feign amnesia and, when finally cornered, claim that it was all one big spelling mistake: That bastard David Davies did the whole thing and, um, Theresa who? Woo!

That’s all bollocks. Can I have my 10p back?

Wait. There’s more! Here is an additional message from the spirit realm:

Woo! The spirits say that you are going to meet a tall, dark and handsome stranger. Woo! Unfortunately it is Mark Carney and he is going to put your interest rates up. Woo! Oh, and the spirits would appreciate it you would cross their humble mouthpiece’s palm with Euros or Swiss Francs, rather than the currency formerly known as Pounds, in future. Woo!

Swindled!

That’s #brexitbritain for you mate!

Woo!

Stop it!

Shan’t!

Woo!

I give up.

And that, dear readers, is why you should never fall in with either the Tories or the occult.

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September 23, 2017. #Brexit, Money, Silly, Spooky nonsense.

2 Comments

  1. Rik replied:

    Yarf! It’s all those Europeans’ fault, what with their working time directives and environmental policies. Workers’ rights? The sooner we formalise the 51st state stuff, the sooner we can nosh down on chlorine chicken and steroid beef. Mm, steroids …

  2. danielrigal replied:

    I don’t think we are in line for the 51st state stuff, even if we do want it. We are just not that useful to the USA.

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