Spurious new ailments for hypochondriacs

Yes. This blog is giving medical advice now*. And if you follow it you really will need to see a doctor!

  • ATP Deficiency
    (Basically just bone idle)
  • Brain Haemorrhoids
    (No idea but it sure doesn’t sound good)
  • Brexit-Ukip Syndrome
    (Racist Tourettes)
  • Celeriac Disease
    (A rather specific type of persistent vegetative state)
  • Deep Brain Thrombosis
    (More or less the same as Brain haemorrhoids. Bonus points if you can get a different set of tablets for each!)
  • Donald’s Trump
    (Can only be safely diagnosed from another country with a large wall in-between while wearing a gas mask and biological protection suit.)
  • Nanosphere Complex
    (When cosmetics adverts go wrong…)
  • Placebo Allergy.
    (Want to get referred to a different doctor? This will get you referred to whichever colleague your doctor hates the most.)
  • Vilepest
    (Not sure what this is but you either catch it from, or transmit it to, chickens. Avoid.)
  • Yap Stones
    (Go straight to the front of the queue bypassing all those with mere kidney stones or gallstones.)

Do you suffer from any or all of these blatantly contrived conditions? Need a cure? Here’s four cures for the price of one:

 * – E&OE. Offer void where prohibited by law (which is probably everywhere if they have any sense at all).

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September 6, 2016. Silly.

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