Recipe: Tomato Ketchup

Yes, we are doing recipes now.





April 22, 2018. Food, Silly. Leave a comment.


A friend writes:

Just tried to order a pizza online. Checked out and clicked the payment button only to get a “page not found” page!

Such reports are impossible to investigate unless the user supplies the official HTTP (Heating, Topping, Tracking Pizza) error code. For future reference the codes are as follows:


April 17, 2018. Food, IT, Silly. 1 comment.

Cambridge Ana… Oooh! Squirrel!

Now, I am no great fan of Facebook. I’m pretty sure that the list of things they have done wrong is only going to grow. By the end it will range from the merely dickish to the really quite serious and they do need to answer for the more serious stuff.

Nonetheless, people need to remember that it is not Facebook that is accused of undermining the integrity of elections, and democracy more generally, in multiple nations. In this context at least, Facebook are just some dingbats who were too lazy/stupid to see that they were enabling the real bad guys to do this.

We are in danger of getting distracted here!

People who have knowingly engaged in conspiracies to subvert elections or referenda, whether in their own countries or elsewhere, are among the most dangerous people in the world. We need to see them go to jail for a very long time. We cannot allow them to wriggle out of their responsibilities by diffusing the blame over the internet in general, even if some parts of the internet have been culpably incurious about what their services were actually being used for. Facebook need to sort themselves out but this is not fundamentally about Facebook.


March 30, 2018. IT, Law, Media, Politics, Rigged Polls, Sensible. Leave a comment.

Stupid Wolf Festival

In the previous article on calendar reform, I referred to Lupercalia as a “stupid wolf festival” based on a cursory reading of its Wikipedia article. I didn’t twig quite how exceptionally bizarre the whole thing was. Fortunately, I found a short video that explains it nicely and it is too perfectly mental for me not to share it here.


March 26, 2018. Links, Silly. Leave a comment.

Who done the Salisbury Poisonings?

All answers will be treated in the strictest confidence. Da!


March 18, 2018. Politics, Rigged Polls, Silly. Leave a comment.

Tempus Fukit

Is that a Latin pun in the title?

It might be. Anyway, you know what this place needs?


Calendar reform!

Wait. What? No! I mean. You remember what happened to the Mayans?


March 12, 2018. Silly. 1 comment.

Groundhog Day

counterfeit cabbage

“I say. Have any of you chaps seen my cabbages?”

Every day is the same.

You wake up to the Today programme on Radio 4.

The News is more about what it is alleged is going to happen today than about what happened overnight or yesterday. The News says that today is the day that the government (in the form of Theresa May, David Bloody Davis, Boris Counterfeit Cabbages Johnson or some other dingbat) will finally announce wtf Brexit (means Brexit) actually means. Everybody gathers round to finally find out what the hell is going on and every day it is a complete waste of everybody’s time. There is a mixture of platitudes and vague denials but no solid, meaningful statement as to what the UK wants out of Brexit. Nothing! I honestly have less idea what Brexit means now than I did two years ago.

I don’t know. Michel Barnier doesn’t know. Donald Tusk doesn’t know. Angela Merkel doesn’t know. David Davis doesn’t know. Theresa May doesn’t know. Boris Johnson appears to be trying to remember where he left his trousers.

Maybe they will work it out tomorrow.

(Update: They didn’t. There was just some more waffle about the transition period which only departed from the vague to take a minor detour into the delusional. Was there ever anything simultaneously as terrifying and as boring as Brexit?)

You go to bed.

Every day is the same.

February 20, 2018. #Brexit, Counterfeit cabbages, Media. Leave a comment.

Radical Reductionism for Fun and Profit

In our increasingly polarised world we don’t have time for subtlety and nuance. Ambiguity is the last thing you want in your cheeseburgers. Fortunately most things can be neatly reduced to a small number of categories which you don’t need to worry about further. Think of these as the platonic forms Plato would have come up with if he was lazy and busy with “other stuff”*.

Let me explain.


January 29, 2018. Silly. Leave a comment.

Quo Vadis, Dingbats?

To be honest, the American “Alt-right” scare me. Fortunately we don’t have much of that in the UK. In the UK we have a bunch of dingbats who have fallen out of their belfry, and fallen out with eachother.  Of course, I’m talking about UKIP.


January 22, 2018. #Brexit, Politics, Rigged Polls, Silly. Leave a comment.

Guest Post: Brexit means Breakfast

counterfeit cabbage

“What’s for dinner? Can I smell boiled cabbages?”

Just not a very nice one…

Pour yourself a big glass of Filthy Green Muck™ from the pound shop knock off “Nutribullet” and our semi-regular guest author will explain.


January 15, 2018. #Brexit, Counterfeit cabbages, Food, Silly. Leave a comment.

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