A Performativity Theory of Football?

(Note: This is being written on the day of the delayed Euro 2020 final.)

Morons in the flats next door have been making a lot of noise. They appear to have speakers pointing out their windows and I can hear “singing”. This started at 9:30 AM. (A bloody M!) They are playing Three Lions, Come On Eileen and some whiny shite by Oasis. (O bloody asis!) They seem to be singing along in a rowdy drunken fashion. At first I thought they were drunk at 9:30 AM. (Nine bloody thirty, A bloody M!) My fondest hope was that they would be so “tired and emotional” by kickoff that they would miss the match entirely but…

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July 11, 2021. COVID-19, Music, Silly, Sport. 1 comment.

I’m not fussed

I hereby confess, to the World in general, and not to anybody in particular, *cough*YouTube*cough*, that I cannot find it in my heart to give a rancid rat’s arse about any of the following products or services:

  • Tooth Aligners. (No, not even the “nighttime” variety.)
  • Grammar checking software.
  • Hedge trading.
  • That weird Australian guy who is clearly running a creepy cult.
  • Whatever the fuck “noom” is.
    (Is it some sort of diet thing? I’m not sure because I can’t stop myself clicking the Skip button.)
  • Seriously, stop advertising those damn tooth aligners at me! If I gave half a shit about tooth aligners I would have already bought them after the first 500 times.

January 21, 2021. Silly. Leave a comment.

The Stench of Death

Before I start ranting, let me be very clear that this is just an uncorroborated rumour at this stage.

And with that we proceed to the rant…

This had better just be some vicious little wank fantasy. The death penalty is an absolute moral evil! If the Government were to bring this forward, even if it were defeated, then any possible path to redemption for the UK would have to include the abolition and proscription of the Tory Party.

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December 27, 2020. Law, Politics, Sensible. Leave a comment.

Happy? New? Something?

Last year I wished you all a happy new year in a very downbeat message but I underestimated how bad it would be by several metric fucktonnes. What an utterly godawful year it has been!

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December 24, 2020. #Brexit, Art, Personal, Politics, Sensible, Xmas. Leave a comment.

Conspiracy Theory (Half Serious)

I have been finding it harder and harder to make sense of what is going on.

In theory we all have to wear face masks, socially distance and follow other regulations to prevent the spread of COVID-19 but the level of compliance is dismal in and around London. Go on any train. 40% of people have masks over their mouths but not their noses. 30% have no mask at all (or it is nowhere near their faces). Only about 30% are wearing them properly. Nobody is enforcing anything much. Despite high theoretical fines, and a few shops being forced to close, nobody else faces any real consequences for flouting the rules.

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November 29, 2020. COVID-19, London, Politics, Silly. Leave a comment.

On losing and losers

The world is full of people who dream of being Dictators, Absolute Monarchs, Sultans, Potentates, Tsars, Grand Viziers, Crown Princes, Pharaohs, Doges, Emperors, God-Emperors, Fuhrers, Duces, Presidents For Life, Messiahs and sometimes even Antichrists. Such people rarely end well. Such rulers may resent democracy for removing them from power before they can fulfil the great mission for which divine providence has apparently somehow ordained them but… Democracy is actually a pretty sweet deal for them.

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November 5, 2020. Politics, Sensible. Leave a comment.

Gratuitous Snark

I would like to congratulate [middle-aged straight white man in a suit] upon his elevation to lead [party that I used to give a shit about].

This is a major step forward in the public profile of middle-aged straight white men in suits everywhere and will bring much needed hope to many in this woefully under-represented community.

August 28, 2020. Politics, Silly. Leave a comment.

Gratuitous Schadenfreude

We live in a world that seems to be sliding ever closer to outright fascism. That is deeply depressing but we also live in a world where teenage K-Pop fans can successfully troll the imbecile President of the United States of America, from the comfort of their own homes, and leave him flailing around with absolutely no idea of what actually happened. Trump is currently blaming everything on a completely nonexistent mob allegedly besieging his half arsed attempt at a combined Nuremberg Rally and plague party.

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June 21, 2020. Tags: , . COVID-19, Politics, Sensible. 1 comment.

Harry Potter and the Gobshite of Ire

Well, Pride month is not exactly a barrel of laughs this year, is it? Everything fun is cancelled and then there is… ugh… this…

I feel for all the Harry Potter fans. If it is any help, I share your bewilderment that somebody who wrote characters who argued so well for inclusion and against prejudice could fall headlong into one of the most dangerous targeted hate movements currently around. There had been clues for quite a while that this was coming but I’m sure that many fans had no idea about this until very recently and many others were just hoping against hope that it wasn’t what it seemed to be.

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June 11, 2020. Books, History, Politics, Sensible. 1 comment.

Life on…?

Maybe lockdown is getting to me but I had a weird thought.

Suppose aliens show up in your back yard and want to know about humans. Obviously our technology is of no of great interest to them, as they are an interstellar civilisation, but they are intrigued by something we have that they do not. The aliens ask you about music.

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June 7, 2020. Music. Leave a comment.

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